Dreams of Skinny High Heels: My found out today my father is dying...

Today I spoke with my mother on the phone and she told me the news...My father is dying and he is not expected to live for more than a few months. I'm not writing this because I want sympathy, but rather to state that as much as I despise him for being a completely wretched person, I hope that his passing isn't too painful. My father abused me for years in every way possible, something I've shared with you through my blog and I severed contact with him over 12 years ago. I realize that it is now his time to evaluate his life, come to terms with his actions and maybe his god will be a merciful one on his soul....Something, though, I highly doubt.

He is dying from years of self inflicted destruction that he did to himself. Years of multi-pack a day smoking, constant drinking and basically him not taking care of himself at all. His liver failed completely a number of months ago and has been on the transplant waiting list, but due to other issues with esophageal cancer, dual kidney failure, he made himself pretty much ineligible for a transfer. His body is slowly poisoning his system with ammonia byproducts and his weight has dropped to 137 from a high of 250-ish

In years past, I would have hoped he died a slow painful death for everything he did to my family, to others who's life he poisoned, but now I am at peace. I like to think that had he not been my father, I never would have gone through what I did and as a result I would quite possibly have never had my weight issues. Had I never been overweight and gotten this Lap Band, I never would have met such an amazing group of women in my life. So it is because of him, in a way that I have been blessed with the friends I met here.

I hope that before his passing, he makes peace with my brother, who he fucked up beyond belief. My mother never got an apology, neither did I and honestly, I don't want or need one. I know that my self worth is not based on the love or approval from my father. I am a strong, intelligent, caring and loving woman in spite of everything he showed me about what is wrong in this world. I will not attend his funeral, I will not mourn his passing. Honestly, I just hope he remembers to leave my brother something in his will. Knowing him, he probably won't.

Death is a part of life. Death of a parent is usually traumatic. For me, it is cathartic because for once in my life I will KNOW that no one else will ever be hurt by him again. And that, my friends, is closure.

Source: http://www.dreamsofskinnyhighheels.com/2012/08/my-found-out-today-my-father-is-dying.html

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